The Scent of Skin & Film

A few years back an existential reckoning stared me in the face. And to my own horror & surprise I found that music was failing me. The heavy chugs and roaring feedback from my guitar amps were failing to re-energise me. The long late night walks on the beach with music playing from my loose earphones mixing with the sound of waves & the wind did'nt work. A chance visit ( or was it a call ?)  from a friend and I found myself sitting in front of my workstation's screen, upon my buddy's insistence and started watching an unknown film by a director I had never heard about. That movie was Nocturnal Animals. Directed by Tom Ford. I re-watched that movie the next day.. Then a few days after that.. Then a few months.. A few years.. A month back...

Can You Smell a Film???

Nocturnal Animals had me obsessed for months, for reasons I was'nt able to figure out. It was'nt the colour scheme or the music or Bobby Andes's dense disposition or Amy Adam's cold fire. It was'nt the intense emotional & physical ultra-violence paving way for a tragic & cathartic end to the story. A few weeks into this obsession, I found out that before Tom Ford stitched images and sounds for catharsis seekers, he brewed perfumes, theoretically, for those who sought the same transcendence. A few clicks on the internet and I found out that his perfumes are available in my country. I ordered one immediately - The Name that stuck me the most - also the design of the bottle - Ombre Leather.

A few sprays from that small black Moebius-Like bottle opened up long ignored sensory organs and exposed me to a whole new world of art & craft & soul stirring magic. My obsession with Nocturnal Animals was transfigured into an obsession with perfumes. All my life my eyes and ears were the primary sensory organs which perceived and metamorphised life through art. This great craftsman had now shown me how a person's being can be transformed by alchemically tickling the olfactory senses and how like music, perfumes too can intangibly and magically transform one's evolutionary journey.

I spent the next year excessively using this magical water. Sometime during that year I also picked up another two bottles by the master Alchemist - Black Orchid & Costa Azzurra. It was fascinating to observe the subtle changes such scents bring in you and in people around you. I started talking less, in a year my parents and friends wondered about the source of my muteness. One prefers that one's work speaks for themselves, artists or not, any expression barring verbal expression is preferred to express the inexpressible. Fascinated & eager to find out what other superpowers wearing this magic water can bestow upon me I started buying more & more - Oud Minerale, Velvet Orchid, Tobacco Vanilla, Noir Extreme, Tuscan Leather, Oud De Wood.. All these perfumes now have their own designated occasions & circumstances when I wear them - the first and last layer of clothing for my skin. I found the perfumes silently expressing a lot of which I was failing to express in my creative & life endeavours. This bought me a lot of peace. More importantly this new found source of calmness was finally able to somewhat subdue my angsty desire to 'do something'. It took 32 years for fate to lead me to this much welcome discovery. The following paragraphs will describe my journey & thoughts on this matter from then onwards.

To be or not to be! To do or not to do! It still perplexes me how Tom Ford's magic waters finally allowed me to short-circuit these questions. I was able to exercise control over the things I wished to create and explore. An artist's chaotic brain was tamed and a method was enforced on the madness. Not every idea that comes to my mind needs to be expressed. Some can just be allowed to pass through or observed just for amusement. The mind, my mind specifically, since my childhood, needed to be sated constantly. Whether it was books, movies, music or sports or art or aaloo parathas - something had to be consumed by my mind and body to keep my undesirable impulses from taking over. And this needed from my end to do something or read something or make something. I still don't know how this magical water managed to quench this angst. I haven't bothered to dive deep into its scientific workings. I know from my experiences as an engineer-artist & my deep dives into the scientific & metaphysical workings of various domains of art, that they yield only more questions. I have learned from my experience &  mis-judgements that these scientific forays if done right and with obsessive intrigue always lead to the world of myths, metaphysics and poetry. Hence, at this age, I have learned to bypass this process to save myself time and avoid such distractions. Tom Ford's magic waters - works of art - I think about them in the terms of the metaphysical & the sexual & the poetic.

How these magic waters affected those around me is another story. My new source of calmness allowed me to express with more precision, whether it was in professional settings or to the people in my personal life. Strangely, I became more blunt & direct. I started saying NO with more conviction & ease. Words like a snob and arrogant were thrown with more frequency at me and I was more than glad to owe them. Unlike before, the guilt which followed such conversations was negated by the ever present scent of Oud Minerale & Oud De Wood. Many ladies enquired about the source of my scents during our exotic escapades. During the past few years I have proudly converted many perfume lovers into exclusive lovers of Tom Ford Perfumes. ( Dr Shimala Latif, my Attar-obsessed friend from Srinagar courageously and with a heavy heart donated her beloved attar collection to her much elated friend after her experiments with Mr Ford’s Magic elixir upon my insistence. A lot of lines from this essay I owe to her acute observations & our caffeine laden conversations during her month long tenure as a Tom ford Lab Rat! ) Heck, I am almost convinced one of my ex-lovers stole a bottle of my black milk Ombre Leather. It hurts because I feel Tom Ford Patchouli Absolu would have suited her persona more. I became open to a wider spectrum of music. A scented candle can be now found at my home and the studios I work in. My morning tea is incomplete without lighting a scented aggarbatti. I observed many other subtle changes which are hard to write about because of my lack of literary talent and the alchemical nature of these processes. A series of sketches regarding the same will be published soon. 

Dr. Shamila's now discarded Attar collection.

Srinagar's Legendary Jaffar Bhai. Perfumer Extraordinaire. Who aptly labeled my TF scents as "Chandini Raat ka Thanda Nasha".

In nature, our sense of smell allows us to sense & perceive scenarios or things that might be beneficial for our survival or a danger to it. Looks can deceive, but a scent can't. One's reaction to a scent - good or bad- will garner an instant reaction from one's body & soul. A rose garden, an apple orchard, a bakery, a vast green meadow will entice our sense of smell and attract us towards them, bringing us joy, ecstasy or peace. Shit, a decomposing body, a pile of garbage - their smells will repulse us - unless you are one of those serial killers from mindhunter. Some smells make us curious and lead us to a fetishisation of sorts - a new book, fresh ink, brand new leather, petrol, alcohol, sex... The feelings & impulses evoked by various smells fall across a super wide spectrum. That we are not taught to pay attention to the smells around us & their power does'nt surprise me - just like we are taught to ignore the aesthetics of other forms of art, even matured grown up artists are totally ignorant to the wide range of poetic & magical effect smells have on our being and its immense power & how they silently, intangibly effect our life.

Thought experiment - Imagine you enter a butcher shop and it smells like a cinnamon bakery. Imagine you enter a cafe and it smells like garbage ( I have unfortunately in real life experienced this). Imagine you pickup a rose and it smells like death. Your sense of reality will turn upside down. This thought experiment also leads us to another question - Do roses smell amazing because they are roses or are roses amazing because they smell good? Why does my crazy beagle always sniffs his way into the smelliest garbage dump and not towards a bed of flowers? Why do monkeys sniff their butt? That last question I find to be very profound and I will dedicate an entire paragraph on it later on.

For now, continuing our thought experiment, let's consider an image - A beautiful landscape featuring Dal lake in the evening surrounded by snow capped mountains. Different musical compositions superimposed over this image can evoke a myriad of emotions and feelings for the viewer. Wagner - Grandeur, Bach - Serenity, Led Zeppelin - Mystery, Stravinsky - Apocalypse, Salamat Ali khan - Peace. And what smells does your mind invoke when you, my dear reader, reading this in your urban conapts, what smells does the image of this picturesque lake arise in you?? Fresh air, water, lotuses, flowers, plants?? Now what if I superimpose the smell of death over this image? Or of cow dung?? Or a dirty toilet?? Or Cigarettes?? Or Weed?? Just let that sink in. Every combination will synthesize something novel. As a sound designer I can evoke sheer terror in you by using certain sounds & music over this serene image. Or sheer wonderment. I am using this analogy to highlight the power of a perfumer. A perfumer is aware of the power of smell and its alchemical - reality altering properties. And how smells & scents can drastically alter our reality & its perceptions & our fate.

It’s tragic that I paid attention to this amazing power of scents after 32 years of my life. To realise that a perfumer is an artist. And how wearing a good perfume drastically alters one's life and reality - for better or worse. Before, I used to wear perfumes just to not smell bad. That's it. But thanks to Mr Tom Ford, and thanks to Nocturnal animals I feel fortunate to have discovered this hidden aspect of our existence. I have collected and used almost all of Tom Ford's perfumes, especially in the last two years, as I got tired of experiencing the poetry of life through images and sounds. And I don't consider myself as a collector of perfumes or aficionado of any sorts. Some of my friends are. I don't want to be one. Its hard to explain to these friends of mine why its is that the only perfumes I can and will like will be of Tom Ford. The reason is simple - he made a brilliant film. His poetic disposition coincides with mine. Other perfumers are primarily and only perfumers. The director of Nocturnal Animals and I are of the same tribe. His perfumes mix perfectly with the scent of cigarettes completing the illusion of living a life like a detective from a Classic Noir film. His perfumes form a perfect cloak apt in both urban & non-urban settings. And if he had never made that film and had someone had sprayed a full bottle of Ombre leather over my face, rather than being a profound life changing experience, that act would have led to a moment of sweet ultra-violence. Other brands or perfumers don't interest me and never will. I'll keep it simple. And going forward, like in the past, I will spend my money on analog musical goodies instead. Tom Ford's perfumes are predestined to be worn by me. And I love wearing them.

Analog Guitar Effects for the Skin.

Another change that I observed in my being since I started perfuming seriously was the effect it had on my memory and my memory of others. My first crush in school, whom I still remember fondly, I remember only from her scent and the scent of the notebooks I borrowed from her. My memories of her dating more than 20-30 years back are devoid of how she looked, what we talked about or any other memories of that sort. All I remember was that I loved her (and was too much of a shy-boy to tell her so) and her scent and the scent of her notebooks. This lady, the only one who on rare nights bothers to show up in my dreams , still, after decades, is the only person whose memory is linked by a scent. I have'nt experienced that scent ever since. Hopefully fate will allow me to meet her sometime and I can relive that scent & the innocent romantic memories of my childhood with my rejuvenated sense of smell. It is also an enigma why my sense of smell is never active in my dreams. All I remember from my dreams are images and sounds. 

Upon noticing this about my memory's working I also observed that now whenever I think back about the two women whom I have truly loved in my life - I can remember their scent. When my memories with these women are triggered I can smell them. My memories with other women bring up many other things but not their scent. My very special memories with these angels, laden with emotions & passions, thanks to Mr Ford, now also take me back to their scents. Vladimir Nobokov rightly said - When remembering a lover - you remember their eyes, cries and their scent. If you can't, it was'nt love. And since the beginning of this rejuvenation, now that I have started paying attention to it, for the past 3-4 years my memory has started linking people, places and events with smell. Any memory from the past few years that I recall is now associated with a scent or scents. Heck, blindfold me and let me sniff any of my guitar pedals, or analog goodies and I can tell you which one it is. During my regular visits to my studios, it is my sense of smell which is first triggered to tell me what has changed. Before it was sights and sound. While reading novels or watching movies my wanders and wonders how the setting, the atmosphere or a character that interests me smells. During my long walks, when the mind drifts away - thinking of the philosophical & the cosmic,I sometimes try to imagine the smell of electricity, power, a Higgs boson or the air of Io.  

Now let's get to the most interesting part of this essay. The scent of skin. Have you ever smelled your skin? Only your skin? Our skin obviously smells different in different conditions. What then is a 'natural' scent of your skin? I defined some parameters myself - The natural scent of one's skin is the smell it exudes after taking a bath in a tributary of the Zanskar river in Ladakh, under full blown sunlight, at 24 degrees celsius, without any soap off course. I found the most consistent results occur when this holy dip is taken after one goes more than 24 hours without a bath. I feel these parameters allow me to smell my skin as nature intended it to be smelled, unbridled with any man made or naturally acquired soaps, oils or fragrances. And after many such dips, I observed the closest the smell can be described as that of a subdued smell of burning paper or of sun baked earth. And the true artistry and aromatic magic of Mr Ford’s  perfumes have to be experienced in the same setting. ( I do intend to experience these perfumes under a slightly different setting - under moonlight rather than sunlight. My upcoming summer trip to Zanskar valley might offer me a chance to do so if I can gather the courage to battle out the cryogenic weather over there. )  Do let me know if you have ever taken the effort to smell your skin in such a manner and what your conclusions were.

Now us urban dwellers can hardly be familiar with this smell. This base, natural smell, in an urban environment with shitty processed water, soaps, shampoos ,AC's, perfumes, deodorants and countless other elements is transformed into something messy. Most of us heavily perfume ourselves, primarily to not smell bad. In this urban environment, the smell of skin takes an interesting development. Now, I being fortunate enough to be a confirmed habitue of women, have had the pleasure of smelling the skin of many women. And in the past few years especially, after my sojourn into the world of Tom Ford's perfumes began, I started paying special attention to this aspect of their being. Oh what a wonderful experience it is to smell a angelic lady up close in your most intimate moments. To touch their skin with your lips and feel its sensual texture & smell. The vast myriad of smells, right after a bath, or after passionate sex, or after she comes from work exposed to the urban elements which one abhors, or when she is sleeping deep into the night tucked away under various fabrics, or early in the morning when the warm sleepy body prepares itself for a new day, pheromones, hormones, fragrances, skin.. The sexual & sensual aspect of the smell of skin can be profound & mysterious. And I love how some women use scents - multiple layers to create this effect - to project their persona - consciously or unconsciously through the medium of scents to their lover. This intangible, subtle but powerful communication between a man & a woman is nothing but magical. Maybe only 2-3 times in my life I have found the scent of a woman to be abhorrent. A rare feat and if I can localise the feelings and moments even further, love had long evaporated before the scent. I am now confident that it was the absence of love or attraction that transformed their scent into an abhorrence rather than poor hygiene or a bad choice of perfumes.

One of the most enigmatic facets of our most ancient sense lies in its elemental and almost bestial nature. What could be more arcane, more primal, than the way in which a man might be drawn to the scent of a woman’s most intimate domain—an aroma that bears no resemblance to the fleeting fragrance of her skin? It is a scent so far removed from cleanliness, from the cultivated order of the world, that it belongs to a forgotten realm, one where purity and desire are not separate. That which is often deemed impure—her body’s most humble function—becomes the very catalyst of a ferocious yearning, a yearning that eludes the boundaries of logic. It is curious that perfumers, the architects of the olfactory world, never attempt to bottle this scent. I think it's because were it ever captured, no woman would dare wear it, for its truth is too raw, too unadorned for the social order of the world. The most potent fragrance of desire remains veiled, cloaked by the artifice of perfumes that both mystify and seduce. The mere application of such fragrances, in a naive attempt to allure, betrays the tragic efforts of those who think the scent alone can bridge the distance between souls. Much like art, the perfumes we choose are deceptive. Their true purpose is not attraction but a reflection of the elusive identity we project to the world. The mind, which is capable of infinite permutations and contradictions, remains the greatest aphrodisiac, for it is through its mysterious seduction the forbidden fragrance is revealed—an unspoken scent that, after intrigue and fascination, lies in wait, hidden beneath the layers of all that is seen and heard and smelled.

I mentioned at the beginning of this essay how my obsession with Nocturnal Animals opened up my senses to the world of fragrances. I mentioned how initially after watching the movie I was struggling to pinpoint the source of my obsession. This struggle lead me to a new exploration from the world of sounds to the world of scents. Having watched this film several times now and with the benefit of long hindsight I discovered the trickery that Tom Ford uses in this movie. I noticed this distinctly when I first watched the movie - unaware where this will lead ultimately. It was Amy Adam's breathing - more specifically her inhaling - superimposed & mixed over many images & montages in a manner which I as a sound designer have never heard before or since. More than expressing the sense of her paranoid & anxious afflictions I feel it was the director's intent for the audience to smell her.. To smell the movie.. To smell something.. I believe it was Tom Ford's way to express his alchemical desires as a perfumer and share them with his audience through this medium - inviting them to pay attention to their sense of smell. I can't recall any other film which has managed to achieve this and Nocturnal Animals is the only film which allows me to say the impossible - "I love that film. I love how it smells.."

You would'nt be reading this essay without Dr Shamila's curious indulgences with my thoughts. Like me, she too hates Attar, cameras & Psychology. Thank You!